if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
