i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
