how can u be prego again
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
