my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
