It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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