put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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