Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
