omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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