brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
