I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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