my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
