OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
