im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
