Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They have beer where we have blood.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
