I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Drake has all the answers
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
