Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
