I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
