dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
