i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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