The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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