i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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