Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
