We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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