and you said cock pushups were impossible
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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