if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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