I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
