Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
