6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
