You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
