Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
