I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
