I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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