so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
