Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
