I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
worst night to have a conscience
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
