i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
