i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
