Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
