SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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