is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
