I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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