Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
