Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
