dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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