No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
