I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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