So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this just has baby written all over it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
