Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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