and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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