Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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