Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
