Your dad touched me again.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its liver damage thursday
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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