some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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