Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
