Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
